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The Big Dance’s Final Act: My Final Four Predictions

By Jeremy Strause

April 7th, 2024

As March Madness continues marching, the chaos of college basketball is about to reach its peak with the Final Four. With brackets busted and dreams shattered, the focus shifts towards only four programs, all fighting for a spot in the National Championship. Amidst all of the anticipation, we have pundits and experts that watch the whole college basketball season make predictions. However, all of these gurus are wrong. The man you should pay attention to is me, Jeremy Strause, the kid who just started to pay attention to college basketball because it’s March, and these are my picks for who is going to win the Final Four.

Purdue vs NC State

The one-seeded Boilermakers are on a revenge tour after falling short last year against FDU in the first round. The last time these teams faced off was on December 12th, 2021, when the Boilermakers beat the Wolfpack by ten.  The Boilermakers are led by 7'4” two-time Naismith Award Winner and future G-League superstar Zach Edey, who is averaging 24 points and 12 rebounds a game. Every team Purdue has gone against in the first three games has had trouble keeping Edey off the glass. 

 

On the Wolfpack, a man who stands out on the court is DJ Burns. The real opposite of Zack Edey. He might weigh more than Zach Edey, even though Burns is only 6’ 9”. Google said he is 275 pounds. I don’t believe that. Another reason he stands out is because he is hilarious. First of all, his real name is Dwight Keith Burns. How did you get DJ from that! Second, he is 6’9” 275 pounds. Why are you playing basketball! Get in some pads and get on the gridiron. Third of all, Burns and Zack Randolph look scarily alike. If he just shaved off his dreads, they would be twins. Fourth, he is an entrepreneur. In a world filled with NIL money, Burns owns two vending machines that he says “sells well for sure.” I bet the snacks in there are crazy good because he looks like a guy with great taste. Once again, it’s a gut feeling. Another gut feeling I have is that the Wolfpack will continue to ride the March magic, and take down Purdue 72-66.

 

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Gregory Shamus/Getty Images/AFP

UCONN vs. Alabama

UCONN is coming into this game on fire. In the tournament, they haven’t won a game by less than 15. They are also coming off a national title. Even though they are obviously an amazing team, they are completely irrelevant. Besides people who went or go to UCONN, nobody follows Huskies basketball. Off the top of my head, I can’t name a single player on the roster. Tristan Newton is the leader of this team, averaging 15 points and 33 minutes a game. Looking at this team, they remind me of the 2010’s Spurs teams. They are an amazing team with no recognition because it is so boring. I couldn’t watch their highlight tape because it was a snoozefest. The team that stands in front of UCONN is Alabama. Once again, who is on this team? The three things I know about Alabama is that the frats are crazy, the football team is good, and ROLL TIDE! The tide is led by senior guard Mark Sears. Sears is the camel of this team, averaging 21 points a night on 50% shooting. The kid is also an incredible defender, averaging 1.2 steals a game. He is the real deal and will need to have a career night for the Tide to have a chance against the Huskies. However, my gut is telling me UCONN will once again win by 15 plus points because everyone and their mother are picking UCONN to go all the way. I think the score will be 86-68 UCONN. Even though I predict UCONN’s going to win, ROLL TIDE!!!

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Jessica Hill/ Associated Press

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